Sunday, January 23, 2005
It had been a week since we break. This week have been quite disturbing for me as everywhere I go, I can see bits and pieces of our past dates. Went to queentown to get a new pair of shoes, returned empty hand and to be reminded that we once went there to shop for her shoes. Took 87 home one day, and remembered the times that we would board the same bus daily. haha.. DInno I would be taking things so badly even after I saw her true self. Hate to admit it, but I felt quite unused to her absence. Without her accompany, I dun feel like swimming in e early morning. Dunno who to sms when I'm bored, happy or sad. haha.. is diffcult to forget.. but today when I met here to collect back e things I left in our album, I feel like a complete idiot to feel this way. e expression on her face was so cold that it forcibly reminded me that it was her who wanted it this way. O cox she wun feel e pain as I do!! I was stupid last holiday, foolhardy last week, but not again. Showing such signs of weakness is not worth it for her! I MUST LIVE BETTER WITHOUT HER!! She no longer has control over my thoughts, my feelings and my decision!
i don't wanna wait no longer;
6:52 PM
Sunday, January 16, 2005
haha.. help no longer needed. I just realised her intention of doing all these thing.. is just a break she is pushing for, just that she dun want to be the one saying it. Maybe to maintain her demure image? I dunno.. no longer understand her. No wonder I'm treated this way since last holiday.. To think the whole of 2 months holiday, we only get to meet 3 times. Her excuses are very standard, either got service learning or CO. Now I ponder if she is really that concern about CO or is she just dun want to go out with me like wat my friends have suggested. She said she got CO 4 times a week, and cant pon cox da zhu is very rare practice and xiao zhu is important when she skip her practice to go shopping with her mum?? and when one of her team mate is allowed to go back to malaysia and skip all practices?? Even in tj, e malaysia scholars are needed to come back for cca.. now that i'm more rational than yesterday, I start to realise that for every way she treated me, is way below e way she treated her normal friends. Like for chrismas countdown, she can go out e whole day to celebrate with classmate, but when I wanted to countdown with her, she said she was only allowed for 30 mins. ( her 2 bro can go out whole night, and she has not care about this type of curfew since vv vv long ago ) Since she wants it near midnight, I rushed back from e orchard countdown to hougang. I waited.. and waited.. e time for countdown near and pass.. but she was still not in sight. everyone around me was counting " 3..2..1..merry chrismas" , but I was alone..A lone figure sitting on a bench. Then I walked to her block. Saw her walk out of lift, but went back in. When she finally arrived, she said, " aiya.. u just waited for a few minutes, my friends' bf all wait for hours without complain.." Haha.. I din scold her for I din wanted to spoil e chrismas mood but kept e anger within me. A few minutes late might be vv minor during normal date, but to a countdown, a few minutes late is a completely different thing. Her explaination was, she needed to go back for a chrismas letter to post to her senior and she had to make it in time for e next morning post. Good excuse huh?? I din receive a chrismas card or letter from her when she practically send to most of her classmates, seniors etc.. this chrismass letter to her senior is more important to me rushing back from orchard to countdown with her?? Her chrismas present to me is even more fantastic. Some pieces of cookie she baked. not bad? but she baking e cookies to her seniorSS also, and i'm just getting e leftover. From her blog, can tell that she had given more carefully-chosen presents to her seniors. She can have no time for me, and can have time to chose present for her seniors? Such good effort .. but is for her seniors and not for me. Maybe can see how she describe her whole day of celebration with her seniors, and compare to my half-an-hour countdown with her.. Best of all, read her tagboard to see how she flirt with her seniors.. couple gift somemore.. I must add also that after e break, I think she is going to sentosa directly to play with her classmate.. A damn bitch who dun care about my existance. And I suppose all her actions is because she want to anger me to have a break up cox she still care about her "demure image" so she cant say she wants a breakup directly. Maybe now, she will be telling now wat an asshole i'm to write how horrible she is on my blog so that she can complete her demure image and she, is e "real" victim. Or maybe, she will also be writing in her blog what a bastard I am to show that she can't stand me and a breakup is natural. Or, just keep silent about e whole thing so that when ppl read my blog, they will think i'm e bad guy?? Or maybe..maybe.. I do not know.. She is a deep one, a schemeing one.. which I realised too late..no matter wat she does, she is e winner.. Like what i say, maybe u all think i'm a horrible bastard to write all these thing here, or i'm a complete idiot to fall into her trap even when i know it, but I do not care.. Cox i know if i keep this inside me for another minute..another second.. I will die of frustration .. die of anger.. and now that i have written all this, I will get myself up.. not worth feeling all these for a schemeing bitch right?? no longer will keep anything inside me again.. never!!
i don't wanna wait no longer;
1:39 PM
Saturday, January 15, 2005
ARGGG!!!! There is something which I felt I really must say, or else I will be doing myself injustice!! Actually I haven been here for very long, and din think I will be back here, but I really dunno who else I can complain to!! Just start of the year ( 9/1), I went online and realised my girlfriend is there too. However when I talked with her, she din replyed. AFter waiting for vv long, I thought she was away doing other stuff, so sent out sms to her. BUt after vv long, she still din reply! Growing worried, I sent out another 2 sms to her, one asking her if she is alright cox she always suffer from stomachache. I also asked my friends online to talk to her, to see if she is just angry with me. But to no avail! After waiting for 1.5 hour, I can finally wait no more due to e anxiety. I called her handphone, she answered it. First question I asked, " are u alright??", her reply was " ya, i'm fine, i din see ur sms ". Then when asked why she reply me online, she said her bro was using her account. When asked wat she was doing, her reply was simple, " i'm chatting on the phone with my frenx cox she is very stressed up".. All the above sounded very simple right?? But dun be deceived, she is just taking us for a ride!!! ARGG!!! Firstly, her hp is a nokia phone. TT means when she received a sms, it will be written as "1 sms received" ( name of sender will be unknown unless she open it in e inbox ). That also means that she lied to me upon e first sentence. Rmb that i called her hp?? She ans it and said " ya, i'm fine, i din see ur sms ", issit a little too quick? she knows wat is e content of my sms when she haven read my sms. Unless her eyes is just beside her ears, how can she read e sms when she is using e phone to talk to me and she is not using a loudspeaker cox I can distinguish e difference.. Another thing, she said her bro is using her account. Look fine one e surface, but when u think deeper, why is he using her account?? to chat with her friends?? Why cant he sign out when so many of his sis friends is toking to him?? and then, how he knows her passwords? last time when i went to her house, her computer dun have different users, and that e msn is not auto-signed in to her account too.. or is she just taking me for an idiot?? That time i din say anything but just kept quiet althought i have already realised that her excuses are lame and there is a vv high probability of her lying to me. This week, when I sms at e nights, I got e same reply almost everynight. Firstly, she will take her time to reply my sms. Sometimes 20 mins for her to reply me even after her previous reply. ANd usually by e 2nd or 3rd sms (usually at 11 pm), she will tell me to go to sleep. Mind u, her supposedly reason is that she want me to slp early for e next day when she can chat with her ex hua chong classmate up to 1 AM. Or is she just tired of replying me?? This happen regularly at nightSS this week. When last night I sms her again, I dozed off while waiting for her reply cox her reply came after 1.25 hour of waiting. Her excuse was that she was eating dinner and she din check her hp. Today when I sms her, she took one hour to reply cox she said her was having a meeting, and is going for lunch (at 10 am, u believe it?) with one classmate. Surely such casual meeting would allow replying of a sms?? even so , her reply was so fast, that we used around 1.5 hour to exchange couples of sms which other couples would have completed within 15 mins. At 9 Am, i sms her, " sorry, i dozed off last night while waiting for ur reply. U are getting home so late, careful u dun get burnt out! u mean u all dun have breaks during evening". her reply came in at 10 Am, " sorry, meeting just end. now going for lunch with a classmate. Got break at evening, but i din take rice, so having dinner at night" I reply at 10.04, "wat meeting? later u got co? wat time start if have?" ( with great hope and purpose in me at that time). She din reply. I send AGAIN at 10.30. THen she reply that she dun have CO, but will be going to sentosa for service learning thing ( her excuse last holi for rejecting my dates 50% of e time, e other 50% is due to CO). the next reply is at 10.57 with just 10 words =S. Notice e difference between e timing when every sms i send is instant and she is just having "lunch" with one classmate but replying me almost half an hour later?? her next reply at 11.02, " wat e matter again? if i dun reply, u won't be happy. NOw i reply, u also not satisfied. dunno wat to say" just because i told her to read my sms carefully. The previous 10 words reply to me is " huh, wat hua chong friend, i'm not even with her" when my question to her is wat to do today, cox my plans for us and her sentosa trip clash. e hua chong friend is just e few words at e bottom and i din even mention about she being with her. Obviously, she is not bothering to reply my sms and is just taking a quick glance and replying 10 words sms for e sake of replying. Wat can i do with her??? SOMEONE PLEASE TEACH ME!! SHE IS NOT EVEN CONCERN WITH MY INJURED ANKLE WHEN IS HURTING ME SO MUCH LAST WEEK!! WAT CAN I DO!!!
i don't wanna wait no longer;
10:46 AM
